Working ”in Concert With”, Instead of “In Spite Of”

Working in concert with someone, a friend, co-worker, a group or a new idea is similar to moving in the craniosacral Direction of Ease.
Sometimes it can be challenging. But it’s key to know the difference and be able to feel into any discomfort and ask that simple question. “Am I working in concert with these folks?” or with this new idea that’s been presented to me?

Or am I fighting it, finding all the “yes, but’s” in the situation.

Am I working “in spite of.”

Just breaking that one bit down by asking yourself the question and being aware in a sensory way, a felt sense way, as you answer, can clarify and shift the discomfort.

Of course it’s much more fun to work in concert with.

Even if you’re in a cutthroat industry or an adversarial relationship, even acknowledging that there might be another way to relate and imagining how that might look, can relieve stress.

It’s healthy to slow down enough to come into awareness of our default stances with regard to communication

I recently found myself in a difficult situation, in a workshop.

We’d been learning about the triangle of disempowerment. That’s a term that describes the victim, perpetrator, rescuer hamster wheel. Rather, hamster triangle.

When, whoosh, I found myself in one! I didn’t volunteer for it, or see it coming. I simply spoke my truth about the teacher to my “friend” who was assisting the class. I shared with her as a private conversation, and she chose to pass my words along to the teacher. A triangle was created where I was the perp, she was the rescuer and the teacher was the victim.

All this was one person’s creation. Think of it!

The teacher didn’t accept the victim role, I  didn’t step into the shoes of perpetrator so the triangle lost power, lost it’s legs, so to speak.

So yes, she created a triangle of disempowerment and my own learning process was temporarily derailed while I paused to breathe!  Then I needed to allow the whole point of the encounter to show itself to me. Notice I use the word “allow.” I asked myself was this dynamic in concert with my intention and highest good or in spite of it?

I allowed the answer to bubble up that it was ”in spite of” my highest ability to learn that  day so I refused the “role”I was being cast in.
The energy was not mine. ( For those of you who’ve taken my Make the Shift workshop).

Try this short check-in question the next time you feel overwhelmed in a situation or as if you’re being asked to step into one of the triangle roles. Then make sure you step outside of the triangle. You’ll feel much more productive.

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